[img[http://www.unwinnable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/club.jpg]]\n\nyou don't go home with strangers in case you end up dismembered in a freezer\n\nthis means that here, there are still\n''//still//''\nonly these options:\n\n[[Matthew|mattlook]]\n[[John|johnlook]]\n[[Mark|marklook]]\n[[Luke|lukelook]]
You are a shitty fuckqueen. You have morals. [[You can't fuck him.|start2]] This is why you not the hero of your own life. Because anyone glamorous would do it for the story later. You can't. Failure. Failure.
No one is comforting her, she is an accepted casualty.\n\n\n"Well that could be me in like, an hour."\n\n\n"This is madness," she says.\n"Sex is madness," you say. "And I am half of it."\n\n[[Hey, Mark]]...\n\n.....Oh, [[fuck Mark|start2]] he's an asshole. Is this who you give your youth to? Your energy? Your soul?
"I'm married. I'm married," he says.\n\n[[Okay|start2]]
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You put down your empty glass and elbow through the crowd towards him. \n\nSmoothing down your dress, you can feel feathers float off the back and you say 'fuck, FUCK THIS DRESS' out loud \n\nbut no one can hear or cares to hear \n\nthey are dancing and the crowd is moving like a tide \n\npushing and pulling you and you love it and want it to [[engulf you]]
<<set $matthew = "yes">>You grab Matthew's shoulder and yell his name ecstatically:\n\n<<replace "MATTHEWWWWWWWWW">>MATTHEWWWWWWWWW\n\n<<replace "the lights sparkle">>the lights sparkle \n\n<<replace "the music is loud ">>the music is loud \n\nyou both whirl around bashing people in the elbows\n\n\n"What are you doing here?"\n"I am observing small dresses for science."\nYou grin.\n"You look hot," he says, appreciatively. "Do I also look hot?"\n"You look like Matthew with glowsticks on. Like a sort of glowstick-holder Matthew."\n\n"...Would you sleep with such a man?"\n"I definitely would, I mean, we would certainly be able to see what we were doing. [[What with all the glowsticks]]."\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
you turn siren eyes to john\n\n<<replace "john is tall">>john is tall\n\n<<replace "dresses smart">>dresses smart\n\n<<replace "has a kind smile">>has a kind smile\n\n[[initiate fuckplan|John]]\n[[i could do better|dancefloor]]\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
because you might not be offered \nsomething like it again\nthey never actually \n//give// you anything\nInstead only take\nWhen they want\nplace you out on the chessboard\negos think they will always have pawns:\negos know they eat in the swamp\nwhen there are no more pieces on the chessboard\nthe pieces are out to lunch with\npeople\nwhere they become People\n\nBut this time, [[you are a pawn]].
<<singlebgm gbxNrDUov9c 0>>You look above the door: \n''ABANDON HOPE''\nblinks neon fire exit\nYou wish Milton had never liked the devil\nenough to write endless lines...\n\nToo hot in here,\nstifled: \nhe is asking you why you never answered the text message he sent two weeks ago.\n\nThere is only one <<replace "obvious answer">>obvious answer:\n\n[[Because you are a jerk|jerk]]\n\n[[Because I don't know how to tell you politely that you are so rude to me that it hurts|jerk]]\n<<endreplace>>
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<<set $john = "yes">>Hey John\n\n- You purr. \n\nIn your head, you imagine yourself at the end of the night, peeling your clothes off to reveal your naked twenty-something skin, and knowing you look good, and thinking, [[god, someone should see this]].
[img[http://www.unwinnable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/club.jpg]]\n\nyou don't go home with strangers in case you end up dismembered in a freezer\n\nthis means that here, there are only these options:\n\n[[Matthew|mattlook]]\n[[John|johnlook]]\n[[Mark|marklook]]\n[[Luke|lukelook]]
Either way: JERK. \n\n"You still like me," he says. \n"You like me enough to screw me. \nLose Luke. Come back."\n\nA guy who [[you are going to hurt|option1]] is better\nA guy who is [[going to hurt you|option2]] would be better\n\n(These are the only two choices\nThese are the only two choices\nThese are the only two choices)
i have seen it work\n\nit is still working\n\ni bet more men wished women were unafraid to say these things too\n\nam i being revolutionary yet\n\nthere is still that antiquated feeling in some women too: i want a man to LEAD ME. to FUCK me. to MASTER me. hell i spend a lot of time fantasising about this man. i think it is okay to want this but\n\nwhere men like these exist, they had HELP.\n\nbeing a master of anything takes a long time. and it takes a fuckload of people giving a shit to make you into one. you can't just take that effort without giving, and you can't just invest yourself in an intimate act like fucking like wild animals without knowing that you are cared about, even in the smallest, least profound way, like they once bought you a Coke because you didn't have any change does this reveal anything about my partners oh never mind\n\nso everyone better start caring about each other enough to communicate, because there are a lot of fuckmasters, both men and women, to make.\n\nwomen: ask the hard questions, be brash, be understanding, supportive like a nice Wonderbra\nmen: try to be more up front about your sexy feelings, we dig 'em, make them part of you, have us notice them\n\n[[Page 6]]
<<silently>><<stopbgm>><<endsilently>>THE CROWD HEAVES\n\nthe bass of the music \nyou can feel it vibrate through your fingertips\nwarm feeling of rum\nsticky on your throat; \nice cracks in the glass as the barman refills it. \nyou put lime to your lips and bite\n<<if ($mark1 eq "yes") and ($matthew eq "yes") and ($john eq "yes") and ($luke eq "yes")>>\nYou have no more options. This place has no more to show to you. [[Another drink]].\n<<else>> [[turn, ravenously, to regard the dancefloor|dancefloor2]]\n<<endif>>
He is nervous\nAttentive\nNervous\nHe is trying to process what is happening\nTrying to stay away from the thought\nThe thought that it is you\nAnd no one else\nThe thought that he imagined this\nBut that distracts him\nIt is too soon\n\nBut it is just enough\nTo have two people lie there\nWith nothing on \nAnd [[like it]]
you turn siren eyes to luke\n\n<<replace "luke is happy">>luke is happy\n\n<<replace "is handsome">>is handsome\n\n<<replace "is smarter than you">>is smarter than you\n\n[[initiate fuckplan|luke]]\n[[i could do better|dancefloor]]\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
Thrill-seeking lack of remorse\nyou are tired of. \nWants your attention\nFingers sticky \nYou can feel the narcissm \nradiate \nfrom his grin.\nSuperficial charm of a Bret Easton Ellis fuck-up\n<<replace "Grabs your arm">>Grabs your arm\n<<replace "pulls you from your reverie">>[[pulls you from your reverie]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
You are trying to take off his clothes\n<<replace "He is trying">>He is trying <<replace "to kiss you">>to kiss you\n<<replace "You try to">>You try to <<replace "make him hurry">>make him hurry\n<<replace "He wants to kiss you">>He wants to kiss you\n<<replace "He wants to kiss you everywhere">>He wants to kiss you everywhere\nAnd you stop\n\n"This is a one time only thing"\nYou say\n"If we do this?\nIt's just tonight.\nAnd no other nights."\n\n<<replace "He understands.">>He understands.\nBut it isn't going to stop him.\nHe craves something that cannot be given\nLike fluids\nOr like kisses\nSomething \nThat isn't transmitted like diseases\n\n[[Fuck]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
assertiveness is an aphrodisiac and we have forgotten it\n\nlaugh\nfuck\nrepeat\n\ndon't sleep with people who don't tell you what they want first\n\ndon't sleep with people who don't tell you what they want first\n\ndon't sleep with people who don't tell you what they want first\n\ndon't sleep with people who don't tell you what they want first\n\nknow who you are and why you do everything\n\nand enthusiastic consent is the fucking hottest thing to give, and the hottest thing to get\n\nAMEN\n\n//(the author has scribbled some sort of crap unicorn at the bottom of this, and there is a coffee stain on the bottom right corner)//\n\n[[Back to Unwinnable|http://www.unwinnable.com/]]
Just as you think\n\nI am going to probably get dismembered in a freezer\n\nThe barman's hand brushes your arm\nAnd something heavy and papery\nHits your fingers\nIt is new:\nBut it is somehow old\nIt is torn a bit\nDogeared\nIt's a secret optional book.\nYou open it\nIt was handwritten by someone\nWho uses hearts for the dots on the "i"s.\nYou can [[read it if you|Guide to dating]] like.\nOr you can bugger off back to [[Unwinnable|http://www.unwinnable.com/]]
"Serious?" he says.\n"Deadly," you say.\nHe starts to look troubled.\n\n<<replace "Engage interpretation">>"Ah. You are not, and never have been, attracted to me."\n"You're pretty hot."\n"Then what?"\n"Me and Mark are pretty good friends..."\n"Did he tell you not to sleep with me?"\nHe avoids your eyes.\n"We shouldn't sleep together. It would be weird. Because of him."\n"Right," you say."Right."\n\n[[The horror. The HORROR. Look down at your arm - LOOK|look]]\n\n"Sorry," he says.\n<<endreplace>>
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they aren't ashamed as much as they used to be: they are more publicly articulate about emotions because they are becoming comfortable actually //being// women (this is because of feminism - thanks feminism you are doing a sweet job at that carry on *salutes*) and are starting to realise that things people label as 'feminine' might not necessarily be inherently //bad//. such as feelings. unfettered feelings are, contrary to popular opinion (and game journalism critics), very very good for us and being honest about them is integral to everyone's happiness and enjoyment of most things including sex, videogames, condiments etc\n\nhowever one of the areas in which feminism has failed is with convincing men that feminism loves them and wants them to be happy too (because if men are happy then women are and vice versa). what hasn't changed is the majority of men's attitudes to your fucking whoever you like whenever you like, or to your wanting to fuck them how you like, or their reactions to your having any feelings at all about what sex should be and when it should be\n\n[[Page 3]] (god you are reading in a club how uncouth)
You tell Luke you are going to the cloakroom, and then you are leaving together.\n\nYou slink through the crowds, that hot glow on your face. \nWarm bodies brush against you, and you love humans.\n\n"Hey. So this is where you went."\n\n[[Dread.]]
<<replace "he is going to kiss you">>he is going to kiss you \n\n<<replace "he is going to kiss you">>he is going to kiss you \n\n<<replace "he is going to kiss you">>he is going to kiss you \n\n\nwhat are you doing\n\n[[Kiss him back]].\nYour boot is vibrating. [[Investigate.]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<replace "You kiss him back.">> You kiss him back. \n\n<<replace "His mouth gives like the soft flesh of a peach">>His mouth gives like the soft flesh of a peach\n<<replace "you are tempted to bite">>you are tempted to bite\n\n<<replace "but you don't know what kind of person he is yet">>but you don't know what kind of person he is yet \n\nin bed\n\n<<replace "you don't know who he is, like that">>you don't know who he is, like that\n\n<<replace "you only know that he is funny and likes you -">>you only know that he is funny and likes you -\n\ntake me out, tonight\ntake me anywhere I don't care I don't care I don't care\n<<replace "and in the darkened underpass\n">>and in the darkened underpass\n\n- but there will be something wrong, you feel, with this\nbecause this was too easy\n\nthere was no retch of longing or pang of inadequacy\n\nanything like that\n\nthere was just the human smell of him and his mouth\n\n[[Push him off]]\n[[Carry on for fuck's sake]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
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Mark is surprised at your turning him down.\nThis pleases you.\n\nYou grab your coat\ntry to have the music flow\nback through you \nlike makeshift caffeine.\n\nA certain something is ruined\nbut\nyou won't know until morning.\nLuke waits for you, nervous.\n\nThere is something sad about that, \nbut your [[body is not listening]].
Hey, Mark...\n\nYou say, as you touch him gently on the shoulder.\n\n"Oh hey," he says. "How... How are you?"\n"I'm fine," you say, flashing your finest smile. "This is the best track!"\n"I'm not such a big fan."\n"Oh?"\n"Actually, I'm about to go."\n"You don't want a drink? I'm going to the bar."\n"No."\n\nHe turns to talk to [[someone else]].\n
"i think this should be a one time only deal"\n\n"i'd rather this be a long term thing"\n\n"i think we should fuck FOREVER no feelings no strings"\n\n"i can't do this right now"\n\n"i'm too upset"\n\n"i think am going to hurt you [emotionally] if we sleep together"\n\nthese are things that are rarely said that would save the world (along with "what would you //like// me to do to you")\n\nbecause these are things that women can deal with better than being ignored, being abandoned, being mistreated, being stalked afterwards\n\nand a small secret is: if we were planning on sleeping with you before these things are said (it is always a plan), even if they don't appeal to us we will probably //still// sleep with you because we //also have libidos//! the difference is we won't spend time worrying about your lack of/lavish attention later and you'll never have to worry about talking to us about anything concerning sex ever again\n\nmanaged expectations, you see\n\n[[Page 5]]
"Hello," he smiles shyly.\n"Can I buy you a drink?" you ask.\n"Sure. Any kind of beer will do," he says.\n"You always dress well," you say.\n"Thanks," he grins. "I try hard to look good."\n"You know how Erin always says we'd be the best dressed couple if we ever got together?"\n"Haha," he says. "Yes."\nYou hand him his beer, sip yours.\n"Why don't we go home together tonight."\n\nIt isn't really a question. It is a statement pretending to be a question.\n\nThe best thing about heterosexual men is their face when you [[ask them]] straight up.
I hate you\nI hate you\n<<replace "I hate you">>I hate you\n<<replace "I hate myself">>I hate myself\n<<replace "I hate you">>I hate you\nYou aren't good enough for me\nThis is what I wanted\nI wanted someone to think I wasn't good enough\nBut I am!\nHaha I AM!\n<<replace "I am better than">>I am better than\n- this\n<<replace "I am kind">>I am kind\nI am\n- not this person\n<<replace "I think I love everyone">>I think I love everyone\n<<replace "I think I love everyone">>I think I love everyone\n<<replace "I think I love everyone">>I think I love everyone\nI think I love everyone I have ever met\n<<replace "I love //everyone//">>I love //everyone//\nAh\n[[But it hurts.|hurts]] It hurts.\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
Hey\n\n- you say to Luke.\n\n<<replace "Luke gets in close">>Luke gets in close\n<<replace "Pushes an arm around your waist">>Pushes an arm around your waist\n<<replace "And you dance:">>And you dance:\nThe beat ruptures\nBass through your feet\n<<replace "Into your eyelashes">>Into your eyelashes\n<<replace "Electric Feel strokes the crowd">>Electric Feel strokes the crowd\n<<replace "Everyone's hearts beat together">>Everyone's hearts beat together\nAll along the western front\nPeople learning to receive\nShe got power in her hand\nTo shock you like you [[won't believe]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
He growls\nYou pull him to you\nYour tattoos argue with each other\nRub against each other\nThey hate each other\nOne is ugly\nOne is small and shrinking\n"[[I hate you]]" you say\n
<<replace "You drag him into the hallway">>You drag him into the hallway\n\n<<replace "Your flatmate is asleep, the lights are off">>Your flatmate is asleep, the lights are off\n\n<<replace "He flattens you against the wall">>He flattens you against the wall\n\n<<replace "You can't see anything but the shadow of the bannisters">>You can't see anything but the shadow of the bannisters\n\n<<replace "And the silhouette of the person you desire">>And the silhouette of the person you desire\n\n<<replace "You can feel his hair fall onto your face as you pull him to you">>You can feel his hair fall onto your face as you pull him to you\n\n<<replace "You bite him, crush his lip, you can taste the salt of blood">>You bite him, crush his lip, you can taste the salt of blood\n\nIt is another human\n\nIt is another human\n\n<<replace "He hoists you onto the stairs">>He hoists you onto the stairs\n\n<<replace "He is taking his shirt off">>He is taking his shirt off\n\n<<replace "You take your dress off">>You take your dress off\n\n<<replace "Yes">>Yes\n\n<<replace "Yes">>Yes\n\n<<replace "Yes">>Yes\n\n<<replace "Yes">>Yes\n\n<<replace "Yes">>Yes\n\n<<replace "This!">>This!\n\n<<replace "This!">>This!\n\nHah. This.\n\n[[Look at him]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<set $luke = "yes">><<replace "He looks at you adoringly">>He looks at you adoringly\n<<replace "And you feel your heart hurt">>And you feel your heart hurt\n<<replace "But the music is arguing">>But the music is arguing\n<<replace "Pushing you closer to him">>Pushing you closer to him\n<<replace "The music sways your libido">>The music sways your libido\n<<replace "Like a chemical metronome">>Like a chemical metronome\n<<replace "Suspended in your soul">>Suspended in your soul\n\n[[My heart is yearning, Paris is burning|lukeyes]]\n[[It's not love, it's just Paris|lukeno]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
For now\nYou are contented\nBut when you wake\nYou will open that \n//yawning briefcase// \nfull of hurt\nyou wish you could\nyou want to\nBut it is chemically absent\nyou are built\nto only hurt and be hurt\n\n''You should have fucked the other guy.''\n\n''What you did wasn't right\nWhat you did was [[sacrilege|start2]]''
Patty pulls you aside sharply.\n"Are you going to talk to Mark?" she says.\n<<replace "You murmur something about rum">>\n"Don't you remember what he did to you?"\n"Maybe he has changed," you complain. \n"He made that girl cry over there," she reasons.\n\nShe [[points at a girl]] slumped on a step with mascara running down her face. \n<<endreplace>>
The shame of sleeping with someone he thinks is inferior to him makes him turn over, his back to you. It has been silent in the room for some time.\n\nYou think about leaving, but it is black outside; the air has become thick charcoal dust. You light a cigarette and think of the joy inside the club, and you pine for its music, distorting down corridors. \n\nLazy, you push yourself towards him for warmth. You can feel him tense from the unwanted intimacy.\n\nThere are feathers on the bed. It was the wings, you see. You volunteered to have your wings clipped.\n\n''You should have fucked the other guy.\n\nIt was [[sacrilege|start2]]''
''Mark''. \nYour heart sinks. \nYou are too drunk and exhausted to give a shit about a man who once cared about you for only five hours. \nYou frown and [[brush him aside]].
More people should see this before I am old and my skin loses this tautness, my body tries to balloon - more people should see me hot, instead of wait until I am forty and happy, and have me be accomplished and smug and grandiose and happy but not //young// any more, not the naked unpretentious sylph in this mirror right now, the one with artless bruises from falling over laughing, and the glossy hair, the full mouth, the way eyeliner sits on the eyelids, smoky, and the forced smile built from being alone.\n\nThat look in the mirror will not happen this time. \n\n[[You will take someone home.]] Because really, you are content, apart from where everyone else tells you you have failed\nWhich is in their voice\nWhen they ask you\nWho is walking you home\nBecause they don't want to have to do it again\nThey have someone waiting\nYour twenties love you\nDon't they, wild child
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''OVEREDUCATED NEUROTIC MODERN HETERO WOMAN'S GUIDE TO CASUAL SEXUAL RELATIONS (god 'hetero' is such an uncool abbreviation)''\n\nthe post-sexual revolution era has been liberating for crushingly overeducated self aware 20-something women in important ways: you can \n\nfuck who you like\nfuck how you like\nfuck however many people you like\nfuck in a happy relationship\nfuck in a terrible relationship\nfuck for babies\nfuck for love\nfuck for hate\nfuck because you miss someone\nfuck because you are lonely\nfuck because you think someone is wonderful\nfuck because the other person needs it\nfuck because why not\n\nprivileged (particularly white) 20-something heterosexual women like myself seem to be getting to know themselves extremely well:\nthey know better than ever what they want\nthey know how they feel about men\nthey know what kind of sex makes them feel good\nthey know how to tell you what they are looking for\n\n[[Page 2]]
<<replace "You press in closer to him">>You press in closer to him\n\n<<replace "You can feel your body respond">>You can feel your body respond\n\n<<replace "You can feel your fingers tense">>You can feel your fingers tense\n\n<<replace "You can feel your mouth water">>You can feel your mouth water\n\n<<replace "You can feel your crotch ache">>You can feel your crotch ache\n\n<<replace "You can feel your breathing get slower, longer">>You can feel your breathing get slower, longer\n\n<<replace "You are breathing him in">>You are breathing him in\n\n<<replace "You want to absorb him">>You want to absorb him\n\n<<replace "His fingers press into your back">>His fingers press into your back\n\n<<replace "You have to have him now">>You have to have him now\n\n<<replace "Have him now">>Have him now\n\n<<replace "Have him now">>Have him now\n\n[[Have him now]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
It turns out this guy IS an asshole. Perhaps you should have a) saved your charms for someone else and b) listened to Patty. Actually b) is a recurring thing that you need to do. \n\nIt's okay! <<replace "The night is young.">>The night is young. \n\n<<replace "You look hot in your dress">>You look hot in your dress\n\n<<replace "it is clinging to you like a wet cloth">>it is clinging to you like a wet cloth \n\n<<replace "the music is good">>the music is good\n<<replace "the lights are flashing">>the lights are flashing\n<<replace "you are a fuckmistress">>you are a fuckmistress\n\nYour goodwill to the dancefloor is radiating through bodies.\n\nYes. YES.\n\n[[MAAAAAAAAAAAAPS|start2]]\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>\n\n
You look down at your arms\n\nThere are barcodes and barcodes and barcodes climbing and\nclimbing up your skinny milk arms\n\nLike tattoos under the skin\nAnd you can feel them creep, sting\nYou are branded\nSpoiled\nYour desire is fake, an illusion of agency\nYou are nothing\nAnother man has ruined you\nYou are a container into which something awful has been smeared\nNo longer a person with ideas and love and conversation\nJust an object\nPassed around\nOnce\nAnother man dropped you to smash\n\nNo one will ever clean it up\n\nNot a person\nA vase that will never hold flowers again\n\n[["I'm sorry. It's the honourable thing to do."|start2]]
<<silently>>\n<<set $mark1 = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>\nyou turn siren eyes to mark\n\n<<replace "mark ignores you">>mark ignores you\n\n<<replace "you don't know why">>you don't know why\n\n<<replace "you hear he is a nice person from other people">>you hear he is a nice person from other people\n\n<<replace "perhaps your charm">>perhaps your charm\n\n<<replace "and talent">>and talent\n\n<<replace "aren't totally impotent as an aphrodisiac">>aren't totally impotent as an aphrodisiac\n\n[[initiate fuckplan|Mark]]\n[[i could do better|dancefloor]]\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>\n
<<silently>><script src="/mint/?js" type="text/javascript"></script>\n<<set $mark1 = "no">>\n<<set $luke = "no">>\n<<set $john = "no">>\n<<set $matthew = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>\nTHE CROWD HEAVES\n\nthe bass of the music \nyou can feel it vibrate through your fingertips\nwarm feeling of rum\nsticky on your throat; \nice cracks in the glass \nyou put lime to your lips and bite\n\n[[turn, ravenously, to regard the dancefloor|dancefloor]]\n
Are you single? you yell\n\nHe looks at you\n\nMarried he says\n\nMarried.\n\nCAN CALL IF YOU WANT BUT THERE'S NO ONE HOME\n\nAND YOU'RE NOT GONNA REACH MY TELEPHONE\n\nMY TELEPHONE\n\n[[MY MY MY TELEPHONE|start2]]
that is because men are //still// not socially and culturally encouraged throughout their life to tell you how they feel about you emotionally, or to tell you that they have no desire to be involved with you emotionally (which is sometimes more important)\n\nthey are not able to tell you personally who they really are\n\nwho they are really looking for\n\nwhat kind of sex they really want\n\nor that\n\nin general\n\nthey don't know who they are during their twenties either \n\nand they'd also rather cry in the shower to The Smiths (How Soon Is Now is my own personal choice)\n\nmen are encouraged to be leaders, and if they don't feel like they know what they are doing, they are not going to ask about it beforehand because it is a sign of weakness - and that specific weakness is something //women// have (it's a strength!)\n\nBUT\n\n[[Page 4]]
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Luke\n\n- you say, your heart spilling into your lungs\nLike Playdough through a sieve\n\nLuke, I don't like you enough\nI think you would get hurt\nWe are friends\nAnd I would hurt you\n\nHe tells you that you are conceited \nto have thought that he liked you\nhe melts into the crowd, upset.\n\nYes, you think. Yes. \nBetter this, than to lose him completely.\n\n[[MAPS|start2]]
you turn siren eyes to matthew\n\n<<replace "matthew is tall">>matthew is tall\n\n<<replace "dishevelled">>dishevelled\n\n<<replace "he makes you laugh">>he makes you laugh\n\n[[initiate fuckplan|Matthew]]\n[[i could do better|dancefloor]]\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
<<replace "Saw her in the amazon">>Saw her in the amazon\n<<replace "With the voltage running through her skin">>With the voltage running through her skin\n<<replace "Standing there with nothing on">>Standing there with nothing on\nShe gonna teach me how to swim\n\nSweat between breasts\nSliding towards the floor\nThe music is making you drowsy\nMaking you happy\nMaking you think\nThis is a good idea\nHe is good looking\nWe are young\nWe are free\nWe should fuck\nAnd be [[free]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>
You dig out your phone from your boot\n\nIt's Patty. Text message reads:\n\n"That guy is married. Married. MARRIED."\n\n[[ABORT THE DICKHEAD|start2]]\n[[FUCK THIS DICKHEAD|morals]]
When he smiles at you he means it and it crushes you\nBecause there is something chemical missing\nSomething gone\nOr never there\nThe thing that has your fingers\nFeel like they are getting frostbite when you touch skin\nThe smell of his skin\nAll that\nAll that witchcraft\nIt isn't there\nIt isn't fucking there\nAnd you can feel his body tense\nLike it is there for him\nIt is there for him\nAnd [[not for you]]
<<replace "You fuck madly, enraged">>You fuck madly, enraged\n<<replace "There is nothing you want to say">>There is nothing you want to say\n<<replace "You are mad">>You are mad\nAnd afraid\nYou are crazy\nYou are upset\nHe hoists you up over a flimsy chest of drawers\nit crashes on its side\nHis long bony fingers\nare leaving purple pockmarks\nOn your skin on your sides\n[[You scratch him]]\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>