Unwinnable

Turn it off… TURN IT OFF!

Previously in The Craptacular Spider-Man: U2 pimped itself at the deadly foes of Spider-Man fashion show. Peter and company whined a lot.

Arachne is PISSED. She calls her furies, uh-huh that’s right, you heard me, her furies. “FURIES TO MY SIDE!” She is mad at Peter for hanging up his tights, ignoring his destiny and for proposing to MJ…at least I think that is what she is mad about. She mostly just sings about being pissed in “Think Again,” but she isn’t too specific. I am speculating that her motives are based on the floaty erotic scene from earlier. I should say that Natalie Mendoza has a lovely voice and really can act. She had the hardest and most complicated part. The lead part, as it was! It isn’t her fault that it makes no frigging sense. Well done Natalie, truly. Meanwhile, Peter has yet another dream, nay nightmare that on his wedding day it is Arachne under the veil. This is coupled with some truly disturbing glittery spiders in church pews on people’s heads…I can’t describe it much better than that. I’m sorry. (more…)

The Chowderheads Take Manhattan

Previously in The Craptacular Spider-Man: Julie Taymor raped Carmen’s soul by minimizing our hero’s call to adventure by having his beloved Uncle Ben get hit by a car. Somewhere in there, the origins of Spider-Man and his arch nemesis, Green Goblin, were botched too.

The Daily Bugle tells the audience that Green Goblin and Spidey are having a confrontation at a piano store. A pretty neat fight scene ensues where the Goblin and Spidey fly over the audience hanging on each other. Admittedly it was cool, but brief. Back on stage now, they trade some “punches,” that is to say that they make hitting motions in the general direction of the other and the other responds in mock pain/falling over. I guess this is “art.”  They were about 6 feet apart during this exchange. Riveting. Spidey tries to tell Goblin that “With great power comes….” and Goblin responds, “Great Power!” (more…)